As I Lay Here
by LaChoy
Summary: I’m sorry, Satoko. Shion. I really am. I don’t know if I’ll ever wake up. I want to, but right now, it seems hopeless. It does not look good, no matter which way you turn it. Satoshi POV as Shion visits. Gift for Val-Creative.


**Disclaimer: Higurashi no Naku Koro ni does not belong to me. **

**Notes:** Okay, why is writing Satoshi so hard? I'm still not even sure if I captured him right.

_"Shion talking."_  
Satoshi talking.

**For:** Val. Happy Birthday! hugsglompsloves You've been an awesome friend, and I hope this story can make your day a little brighter. Love you tons! This one's for you

* * *

She's been visiting me for two days now.

I don't really understand why. But there are a lot of things I don't know. Why can't I wake up, where am I, what happened, how's Satoko, is my aunt really dead? A bunch of things. Doctor Irie never really tells me anything. He doesn't even talk to _me_. It's kind of like he talks to himself.

But right now, all I know Mi—no, Shion, is here.

It's really weird. I know something's wrong, but I don't know what. I can't open my eyes or even move. I can barely hear half the time. Except when Shion has been here. With her, it's easy. Without her, it's hard. It's weird. Really, really weird. Does she know a trick?

It's nice that she talks to me even though I can't talk back.

I still don't understand how she's not actually Mion, but Shion, and…I don't know. It's just confusing.

She's walking away, promising me she'll come back tomorrow.

…I'm kind of looking forward to it.

--

"_You must be so bored, Satoshi. Just lying there. Day after day. Do you get lonely when I'm not here? Does Irie talk to you? He probably does. He cares about you a lot too…"_

Am I lonely?

"_You must be wondering about Satoko!"_

Yes! How is Satoko?

"_I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you…"_

It's okay, Shion.

"_Satoko is growing to be a very lovely lady, I'll have you know."_

Really? That makes me feel so much better.

"_I make sure she's happy all the time. Everybody at the club does! Kei-chan amuses her the most. Oh, Kei-chan. You don't know him. His name is Keiichi. He's this new guy. From the city. He's actually pretty nice and Satoko loves to tease him. He's a really easy target for tricks. Can I tell you a secret?"_

Sure.

"_Sis has the biggest crush on him! It's hilarious. I think even Satoko has an idea something's going on, and she's pretty naïve. But she is growing up. Satoshi, I wish you could see her. I wish I could bring her here. She misses you so much. She's worried her precious nii-nii is dead."_

I'm so sorry, Satoko…

"…_I miss you too…I wish I could see you smile…I wish you could pat my head and tell me everything will be alright."_

Shion…?

"_Satoshi…"_

…She's crying…

"_I-I'm sorry I'm crying like this. Blubbering over you. You probably don't like that very much, huh? But Satoshi, I really do miss you. I know I never got to know you like Sis did. You don't even really know 'Shion'! You probably wonder who I am all the time and here I go on, talking like this."_

I remember you, Shion. Even though I don't know who was really Mion and who was really Shion all those times.

"_I got tears all over you. Heh…sorry. I'll shut up with my complaining now, okay? You never got to complain. You don't need to hear me doing it."_

It's okay. You can say anything you want. I just wish I could do something.

"_But anyway, Satoko. Her tricks are getting more and more clever. Seriously. I don't even understand how anybody can just think up all those things…I think you'd be proud of her. Did you like her tricks? Or did you think they were annoying? You probably never got to say if you did or didn't. You'll still be proud of her. I promise. I'm taking good care of her. Just like you asked me to."_

Thank you, Shion.

--

"_You know what I was thinking about, Satoshi? Even though you killed your aunt, I really…just don't care."_

How? I did a really horrible thing.

"_You did it all for Satoko. You're so amazing. I wonder if I could kill anybody for Mion, but you know, I'm not sure if I could. It kind of makes me sound like a terrible sister, haha!"_

Not at all. I bet Mion's lucky to have you.

"_Can I tell you another secret?"_

Please…?

"_I hope you don't hate me because of this. But I have these nightmares. I dream about killing people. It's…it's horrible. I dream about killing my grandmother, the village leader…and Mion. My sister. My _twin_… And I dream_—_please. Please. Don't hate me. I couldn't take it if you hated me."_

I…don't think I can hate you, Shion.

"_In my dream? I dream that I…you know, never mind. I shouldn't tell you. Sorry, Satoshi, but I don't want you to hate me."_

But I won't hate you, Shion. Really! Honestly.

She's crying again. I wish she'd stop. It hurts to hear her.

…Shion? I wish I could hug you…

--

"_Satoshi! Guess what I snuck you!"_

What?

"_Haha! I don't know why I talk to you as if you can answer me back! What am I expecting? Your eyes to magically open up?"_

It's kind of what I want to happen.

"_I hope you won't be too mad at me. Or Satoko won't notice. Oh, that'd be pretty bad. But I snuck a book out of your room! See, Satoko lives with Rika now."_

At least she still has Rika.

"_But she really likes visiting your room. She took me there today, you know. For the first time. Telling me that since I was her nee-nee_—_does that bother you?"_

No. I like that Satoko has you. I'm glad I asked you to take care of her.

"_Anyway, we were in your room and I saw your pile of books! Also, that pile is too small for you. I have a larger collection and I don't even like reading!"_

I'm kind of embarrassed now…

"_When you wake up, I am so taking you to a bookstore and buying you so many books, it'll take you your entire life for you to finish them all!"_

I don't need you to do that…you really don't have to…

"_And don't tell me I don't need to! I do. You deserve something, Satoshi. So when you wake up and I drag you to the bookstore, don't you dare tell me otherwise! I will literally tie you up in rope and force you to come!"_

Are you reading my mind? How did you know I'd do that? Wow…you know me so well. I'm sorry I don't know you like you know me.

"_Anyway! I always get so off topic when I'm around you! So, Satoko and I were up in your room. I noticed your books and I thought I should read you one. Satoko's pretty much obsessed with keeping your room exactly like you left it. I kind of stole the book. I can't tell her I'm visiting you. Sorry, but it'd kill her to see you like this. I just hope she doesn't notice the book's missing. I hope _you_ don't mind. I just thought you might like me to do something more than just talk on and on like this."_

It's okay. I just like hearing you-- I…ummm—at least you can't hear me…

"_Hope I picked a good book for you."_

You're so nice, Shion.

--

Shion has to be one of the kindest people I know. She always says funny things and always visits me. And she's such a great sister to Satoko. Satoko's being taken care of. I don't have to worry so much now.

I still want to wake up for her, though.

And for Shion.

I don't think I've ever done much for her. I only remembering seeing 'Shion' once. When she told me it was her, not Mion. I'm trying to remember all the times I talked to Mion and figure out who was really Mion and Shion. It's a little hard and I'm not having much luck.

I kind of hate that.

--

"_Satoshi, do you know what I do before I see you?"_

What?

"_Sorry, here I go again with the useless rambling, huh?"_

No! You don't say anything useless…

"_But every time I come here, I try to look my best. I always make sure I look nice, that my hair's perfect, and my make-up isn't smudged up. I want to look beautiful for you."_

For me…?

"_Do you think I'm weird?"_

No. No way…

"_Can I tell you another secret?"_

Please?

"_In my dream, I think I killed for you. I kind of always thought the Sonozaki family, my family, killed you or something deep down. Until I saw you lying here. But I think I did it all for you. I…I love you, Satoshi."_

Shion, me? Me…you love me? Why? What do I do? I…I…

"_In my dream, I killed Satoko. I tortured her. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry because I think it's more than a dream. I seriously think it might have happened. I felt angry she made you suffer. It seemed so real. I don't know how. Rika told me once it doesn't matter. But…ugh, I tortured Satoko so bad. And I am so, so, so, so, so sorry! You must hate me. You have to…"_

…I don't.

"_I'm sorry, Satoshi!"_

Were those her lips…on mine..?

Oh…

"_I'm sorry…"_

One of her tears just landed on my face…

Shion…

--

It's even stranger now. Even though Shion told me she dreamed about killing Satoko, I don't hate her. I can't. She hasn't killed her. She won't. I know she won't. She's too nice. It's just a nightmare. I know that.

I've actually killed someone. It doesn't matter what excuse or reason I come up with, I still did something bad.

I know Shion knows I killed my aunt.

And if she can lo-like me so much even though she knows that, then I can't hate her over a pointless dream.

But ever since she told me about her dream, she hasn't come back.

I miss you, Shion.

Please come back.

--

"_Satoshi…"_

Shion!

You're holding my hand. It's kind of cold, but I don't mind it. You're back.

"_You probably don't want hear from me again."_

No, I do. Honestly.

"_But I want to see you again."_

Shion…

"_I want to see you all the time."_

…

"_Will you ever wake up?"_

I don't know…

"_Do you want to wake up?"_

More than anything.

"_Satoshi…"_

You're resting your head on my chest, Shion.

Even though I'm not hugging you or anything, this is really nice.

I lo-…

…

--

I don't know how it happened…

I've never loved anybody before. Not even a crush. I've loved Satoko because she's my sister, but that's not the same. It's completely different.

I don't know how long I've been here. Or how long Shion has been visiting me. But it feels like it's been too long because I've never said anything back to her. I keep trying so hard to open up my eyes, to move a finger at the very least. I just can't.

I'm sorry, Satoko. Shion. I really am. I don't know if I'll ever wake up. I want to, but right now, it seems hopeless. It does not look good, no matter which way you turn it.

So can you please stop crying over me, Shion? You're too nice to cry.

--

Shion sighed as she walked into the room Satoshi was in. He still lay there, immobile and showing no other signs of living than the constant beeping of the heart monitor.

He never did anything.

This was worse than thinking he was dead. Worse because there was this sliver of hope he'd wake. And it was such a small sliver. One she should have ignored, but she was too optimistic for her own good.

"Hey, Satoshi!"

She grinned and sat down in the chair next to his bed.

"Miss me? Bet you did!"

Her smile slipped, and she looked to the side.

What was the point of playing this game anyway? He couldn't hear her. He wouldn't wake up. He was gone and just wasting away the rest of his life in that bed.

She felt that fluttery feeling of hope inside her, and she tried to squash it down.

"Satoshi…" It came out as a pathetic whine, and she grabbed his hand in solace. She was beginning to the feel the familiar burn of tears coming to her eyes.

She needed to realize life was for living. Not for clinging onto impossible causes

And that was when she felt it. She wasn't sure if she really had at first. Too many times had she gotten herself excited over absolutely nothing.

But then she definitely felt it.

Satoshi was _definitely_ holding her hand back.

"Sa…toshi…?"

The heart monitor sped up a little, and Shion wasn't sure what to do. The idea of going to look for Doctor Irie crossed her mind, but she couldn't move from her seat.

"Satoshi, can you hear me? Hold my hand tighter, say something, move, dance, sing! Anything! Just do it!" Her voice had increased into an almost frantic screaming as she waited for another sign.

It was barely noticeable, but not to Shion.

His eyes had flickered open for a mere two seconds. Hardly anything. Not that it mattered.

Satoshi was back. Forever.

And maybe she was just making herself hear things she wanted, but she could have sworn the first thing he tried to say was her name.

--

Shion, you're crying again…

--

_End._


End file.
